so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
