I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
