I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone came in the potted fern
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
