his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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