You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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