I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
