I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
