my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
