Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
