Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
