Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
