can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
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In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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