so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
