I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
