just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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