just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
