He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
