My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
