I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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