Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
