There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize