you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
