I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
