i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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