I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
