i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
