theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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