I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Houston, we have a squirter
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
