That's intense
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
