dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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