pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I smell like Dick and happiness
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