Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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