All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize