you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
