Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
