So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
