Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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