It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
