cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
