I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There r osticjed everywhere
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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