ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
