Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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