he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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