his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
