her vagine was all disorganized.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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