Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
