We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
God, I missed his penis.
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