So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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