So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
