Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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