So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
