we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
