the new term for farting is butt boxing.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
