I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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