i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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