Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
