I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
