if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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