worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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