I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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