tell your sister to shave her snatch
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
