last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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