is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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