the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
