apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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