all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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