FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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