I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
