we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
