i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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